Some of you reading this may be a long-term married, like me. I’m approaching my twenty fourth wedding anniversary and I still can’t believe where the time has gone, yet I can still distinctly remember Sandi’s and my wedding ceremony and reception. But I know some of you reading this are just new at this marriage thing, well this may shock you, but in most things in my married life, I still am new and learning as things come along in life.

In her book, The Good Marriage, Judith Wallerstein says “because people and life circumstances change over time, marriage is always a work in progress”. Let me ask you a question. Are you the exact same person now compared to when you got married? Is your wife? I know I’m not and neither is Sandi. We don’t look the same and we don’t think or act the exact same way as in 1982 or 1992 or even 2002. Let me ask you another question. Do you think your marriage is a work in progress? I didn’t until 1995, when some very real and shocking circumstances of life rocked our world. Hey, who am I kidding, it rocked my world and it made me sit up and take notice of how things had changed right under my nose. I had let my ignorance of not just Sandi but of myself, lull me into a false sense of security of thinking everything was all right. ”.

Judith Wallerstein also says “a good marriage is a process of continual change as it reflects new issues, deals with problems that arise and uses the resources available at each stage of life”. There it is that “C” word again. We have to first come to grips with the facts that some things have changed in our lives and our relationship. Now before you go running off shaking your head, not all changes are bad but denying their existence can be brutal to a relationship. The second part of Judith’s statement talks about using the resources available, and that is the area that can frustrate most of us because we’re not sure what those resources are and where we can find them. You are not alone in your quest but you are also not alone in how you may feel about the current state and possibly the future of your marriage relationship. Not wondering could leave you vulnerable to being blindsided by life’s changing circumstances, like me in 1995. So go ahead and be courageous enough to say, I know things have changed, I’ve changed and she has changed and I’m ready to deal with it. There are married couples who care enough to stand with you, even if it’s just to listen.

Dr. Richard Dobbins of Emerge Ministries, who is a man of God and a Christian psychologist, has a profound quote that helps me keep my love and relationship with Sandi in perspective. Let me share it with you. “Christian love is the persistent effort on the part of a man and woman to create for each other the circumstances in which each can become the person God intended them to become…a better person than they could have become alone”. You’re probably saying, everything Glenn says sounds like work. If so, I’m glad because you need to understand it’s impossible to create something meaningful and long lasting without effort, significant effort. Creating the circumstances to become the person and couple God intended you become will require that persistent effort and the search for biblically sound and compassionate counsel.

To wrap this segment up, let me strongly urge you not to go this alone. If you haven’t already, lovingly share with your wife your thoughts, feelings, concerns and even fears about what may be happening around you and to you both. And assure her that you are ready and willing to accept your marriage as a work in progress.

From someone who really does care.